Heaven Shall Weep
by Fairy.Kai
Summary: For Lily Evans, the greatest murderer of her time wasn’t Voldemort. It was cancer. James/Lily


**H E A V E N S H A L L W E E P**

_"There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when we were happy."  
- Dante_

**1. In My Time of Dying**

Lily Evans was sick. It became obvious to me when I caught her entering the Hospital Wing for the fifth time this week. And I know for a fact that there was no one in there that she would be visiting. Unless she's a friend of that Hufflepuff first year with three chins... Which I don't think she is.

Her skin was paler than it was before the summer holidays and her vibrant hair, though still an offensive red, was flat and dead-looking. There were shadows under her beautiful eyes and she had lost weight.

I'm James Potter; I notice these things.

And if her physical appearance and trips to the Infirmary weren't enough to alert me to the fact that something was cataclysmically wrong, it was that Lily Evans was shirking her educational responsibilities. Please, ladies and gentlemen, do gasp in shock.

Nothing was more important to Evans than school; a fact that the entire Hogwarts student body and faculty was painfully aware of. It was her drug. Her reason to breathe. Without classes and wonderful learning, Evans would find life absolutely meaningless.

Which brings me back to wondering why, just _why_, she was skiving off Charms (her favourite subject) to go to the Infirmary.

Was she alright?

Was she sick?

As her future husband, I do feel that I deserve to know these things.

And my burning curiosity led me to be squashed here, beside Sirius Black, in the potions closet in the Infirmary. Listening to the muffled voices of Miss Pomfrey and Evans.

"What's going on, Prongs?" hissed my best friend. I hadn't actually told him yet, preferring to ambush him coming up from breakfast and drag him in here with me.

I pressed my hand over his face, effectively silencing him. My ear was pressed against the cupboard door and I was listening intently to what Pomfrey was saying.

"...any side effects, dearie? Nausea?"

"Yeah," replied Lily softly. "I throw up every morning and I can't hold much food down."

Aha! She is sick! But of what?

"Normal, I'll put you on some supplements," said Pomfrey. I heard her footsteps coming closer. I saw Sirius' wide-eyed stare. Aww, crap, why did she have to keep her supplements in this closet?

"Oh, darn. I'm still waiting on a delivery. If you come back this evening, Miss Evans, I should have some for you."

"Of course, Poppy," Lily breathed before coughing violently. "I'm just going to rest for a little, is that alright?"

"Perfectly fine, sweetheart. I'll just be in my office."

And the footsteps followed the elderly matron down the hall way. I heard Evans' sigh – and had to stifle one of my own – and the squeak of a mattress as she hopped up onto the bed. Maybe we'd be here awhile...

Sirius shot me the 'I don't care if you love her, I'm still going to throttle you' look.

Oh crap.

We were squished in that supply cupboard for an hour. An _hour_!

Eventually, I heard Lily yawn, and a creak as she slid off that dingy hospital bed. Sirius was fidgeting next to me and we waited with baited breaths for the sound of the Infirmary doors opening and closing. We waited for a few moments after that, just to be sure, before creeping/falling out of the cupboard.

"I'm going to kill you, Prongsie," said Sirius, groaning as we left the Hospital. "I love you, mate, but I'm going to kill you."

Frowning, deep in thought, I simply nodded my head. "Yeah, I like liquorice wands too..."

Sirius rolled his eyes at my show of not paying any attention to him. "Look, I know you live to stalk Evans, but seriously – shut it! You know I hate that stupid joke! – I'm going to have to ask why we were spying on her in the Hospital."

I ran my hands through my hair. Despite what most think – that I do it to make my black hair stick up and to get attention – it's actually a nervous habit. And since I'm always nervous and shaky around Evans, I just seem to do it more in front of her, further fuelling her belief that I'm a stuck up arrogant prick. "What sort of sickness makes you nauseous and vomiting in the morning, not eat and have to take supplements?"

Sirius thought for a minute. Then he paled. "Holy Agrippa!"

I turned, my hazel eyes wide, fearing that he was going to say that the love of my life had spattergroit or something. "What? What is it?"

"She's pregnant."

I blinked. Then I laughed as we passed the Charms corridor. "Nooo... That's ridiculous! She refuses to be within five feet of me, let alone... No. She's not pregnant, Pads."

Sirius chuckled, somewhat nervously. "You're not the only bloke in the school, James."

I rolled my eyes. "Well spotted, Sirius. Next week, I'll teach you your ABCs."

He shoved me as we stepped into the Great Hall. Even as I shovelled food into my mouth (what? I had to keep up my strength for Quidditch) I couldn't help but wonder if my best mate was right. Could Lily be pregnant? I was horrified to think of her with anyone but me.

I knew who to ask, anyway. My little furry Library Friend. Remus Lupin. He could definitely help me to diagnose Lily.

So when said Library Friend sat down across from me, I immediately leant forward and asked, "If I was throwing up every morning, experiencing serious nausea and taking unnamed supplements, would you say I was pregnant?"

Remus Lupin raised an eyebrow. "I would say that you're a boy, Prongs, so pregnancy wouldn't come into question. At all."

"No, but _pretend_ I'm a girl..."

Remus blinked, warm brown eyes flashing with mirth. "Amusing mental image there... it's actually not that hard to picture. And no, if you were a girl, I would not say you were pregnant. Have you considered food poisoning? Um, anorexia? I don't know. Puking doesn't, by definition, mean you're pregnant."

Sirius scratched his head from his spot on my right. "But it doesn't by definition mean you're not."

"Shut up, Sirius," I said grumpily, knowing that he was only participating in this conversation to take the mickey out of me. Git. I could count on my dear Library Friend to answer honestly. And probably correctly too.

So in summary; Lily could be pregnant. To someone who is most definitely not myself (Gasp! Choke! Keel over and die!). Or, she could be simply ill. Whilst, in my mind, the latter being ultimately more desirable than option A, I was still very concerned.

How ill was Evans?

* * *

"Hey, Potter," she sighed and collapsed into the seat beside me.

Well, this was new. As a rule, Lily Evans never addressed me, James Potter, a decibel below a scream. Sure, we were both the Head Boy and Girl and expected to be mature. Sure, we were seventeen now. But was that enough to deviate from the tradition of one-sided hatred?

One-sided, because I was dreadfully in love with her. I had been since I was fourteen. Unfortunately for moi, Miss Evans failed to see past my "ridiculously swollen ego, enlarged head and stupid bachelor glasses, messy hair that's styled to attract the bimbos of Hogwarts and an attitude to rival that of a boisterous, hormonal troll." And that's a direct quote for you.

"Hey, Evans," I replied with caution. It was only us in the room, Professor Dumbledore's office, and to her that meant danger. We were waiting for our Headmaster to arrive so that we could hold our first Heads meeting.

(Yes. That's right. You heard correctly. James Potter is Head Boy. You have no idea just how depressing it was when I got the letter, showed my mum, and had her laugh in my face and tell me to stop messing around. Sad.)

I cut my hazel eyes to her still form. She still looked horrible (but in a beautiful way!), but definitely sickly. I crossed 'pregnant' from the list of possible scenarios I had made in my room yesterday – Pete says that knocked up girls have a 'happy glow', whatever that means. Lily was most definitely not glowing. And she didn't look all together happy either.

Something was wrong.

I was tempted to ask her why she looked as if one good flick would knock her off the perch, but didn't. I wasn't actually sure that I wanted to know that.

"How was your summer?" I asked instead, eyeing her response carefully. I knew for a fact that she had not looked close to death at the end of last year. Whatever had caused her to ... fade had only happened over the break.

"Fine."

"That's good. Do anything special?"

"Just stop bugging me, Potter. I'm not feeling so great right now," Lily said softly. I believed her. Of course I did. Who couldn't, looking at the girl?

"Alright, then."

But I watched her anyway. What? I'm her future husband. I'm allowed.

Professor Dumbledore came, discussed our duties and left quickly. To be honest, I didn't pay much attention. My mind kept wandering back to Lily like a lost puppy. An image of Sirius flicked to my mind and I chuckled as I left.

"Prongs!" I spun as someone (three guesses who) called my much adored nickname.

It was Sirius, striding up to me on long, graceful legs (yes, I just said that. In a totally masculine way, of course) coming from his last lesson of the day. I waited for him patiently, knowing that we'd be walking back to the Tower together.

"Padfoot, my friend. I have wonderful news," I declared formally.

Pads grinned, revealing a neat row of pearly choppers, and he swept his dark bangs out of his eyes. "Oh. Do tell."

"Lily spoke to me."

His smile faltered, judging whether or not that was my wonderful news.

"Before I said, did, insinuated, wrote, mimed or even hand-signed anything."

His eyes did widen that time. "That's a first."

"It really is. I'm going to make an announcement in the common room tonight and then –"

"Ask her out again?"

"Oh, you're good."

Sirius nodded. "If I had a sickle for every time someone said that to me..."

I rolled my eyes as we reached the portrait of the Fat Lady. She really doesn't like me. Often, she makes me spell out the password – _backwards_, I might add, say it in pig Latin, say it in _proper_ Latin and then act out a scene utilising the word, before she lets me in. Remus tells me that it's because I suggested she try the new ultra-slimming diet my mum had been raving about. It was in third year! Time to move on, woman!

Fortunately, she was a rather large (haha, I made a funny!) fan of Sirius, and so let us in without drama. The commonroom was still reasonably empty – classes had only just ended for the day – so Sirius and I immediately claimed the comfiest chairs by the fire.

I had just sat down, when I heard a frustratingly loud stomping from the Girl's dorm.

"Mel!" I heard a loud voice from upstairs that I recognised to belong to Alice Cole, a cherub faced angel in my year. "Mel, help me!"

The distress in Alice's voice was obvious and I stood up. "Alice? It's James. Are you okay?" I yelled up the stairs. I was Head Boy. Apparently, I was meant to be a busybody. Sue me.

"Er, sure, James. Is Mel down there?"

I did a quick scan around the commonroom. Nope. Lily Evans' best friend, Melisande Tunney, was not present.

"No, she's not. Want me to find her?"

"Yes, please, if you can. Tell her it's urgent."

Without waiting for me to ask, Sirius turned and reached into my bag, pulling out the well-loved piece of parchment that – if it wasn't proof that I was certifiably bonkers – I would call my best friend.

The Marauder's Map.

Remus, Pete, Sirius and I had made it in fourth year. Lots of complex spell work. Weeks of brainstorming. Took us the whole year to get all the kinks out. It was our baby. The pride and joy of our little gang.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," I whispered the activation code. Almost immediately, ink began to appear on the faded parchment. I carefully unfolded it and began to search for Melisande.

I found her in the library. Just as I was about to close the map, I noticed someone else. Beside Alice Cole's name, in the seventh year girls room, was Lily Evans. Frowning, I shut the map and tossed it at Sirius. He shoved it back into my bag.

I left the commonroom alone at a brisk jog. I strode quickly down the great marble staircase and took a shortcut through the History of Magic classroom. It took me less than six minutes to reach the library.

It was dark inside and smelled like... education. Gross.

My eyes quickly adjusting, I peered around the bookfilled room. "Melisande!" I called in a very loud stage whisper. "Has anyone seen Melisande Tunney?'

I was hesitant to go further in – I wanted to keep the exit within my sights. I always thought that Madam Pince liked me just a tad too much...

"James?" I turned and grinned at the freakishly tall girl who had appeared to my right. When I say freakishly tall – I meant it. She's taller than me (which is saying a bit as I'm six–foot-one) and her legs go on _forever_. If I wasn't unconditionally in love with the stunning Lily Evans, I would totally fancy Mel's legs. Just her legs.

"Yeah. My name. Right," I said, ashamed at being caught staring at her legs. Not because I was actually embarrassed – more like the fact that it felt like I was cheating. "Alice wants you in the dorm. She says it's urgent."

A strange look passed over her face and she quickly went and grabbed her bag and left the library in a hurry. I followed her, albeit a bit slower, back up to Gryffindor Tower. Mel was already powering up the stairs by the time I stepped past the (insert "evil") portrait.

Remus and Pete were now sitting on the sofa beside Sirius' armchair. "What's going on?" Remus asked, nodding towards the girls' stairway.

Sirius sighed in annoyance. "Well, Lily has just broken the news that she's pregnant to all the other girls. _Obviously_."

I coughed.

Peter laughed at my discomfort. "Oi, Prongs. Do you realise that you're blushing?"

"I am not!" I cried indignantly, shoving him over so that I could share the couch with them.

"So, if Evans is preggers," he continued slyly. "That must mean that she – shock! Horror! – shagged someone!"

That's Peter Pettigrew – affectionately dubbed 'Wormtail' – the crudest, rudest, nudist boy at Hogwarts. He's not actually a nudist, but I just couldn't think of anything else that rhymed with 'rudest'. So there.

"Shut up!" I snarled, angry that he was smearing my future wife's honour.

"Careful, Worms," remarked Remus dryly. "He'll blow a hernia."

Sirius snorted. "Because that would be a first..."

There was a sudden stomping on the girl's stairs once more and Rayen Martinez came down, looking like she was ready to puke. Rayen was from Brazil, and had been here since fourth year. I know for a fact that she is quite capable of speaking English – she does answer in class. However, she refuses to speak anything other than her native tongue outside of our lessons. Which is a real pain.

Not to say that she's shy! Oh, no, the girl could talk the pants of Dumbledore. In Portuguese. Luckily for us, Remus is fluent in Spanish (Merlin knows why...) and can generally keep up with the foreign babble. Most of the time.

"_Que nojo! Não há vômito por toda parte_!" The dark-skinned girl exclaimed, coming to a standstill in front of us and throwing her arms up into the air for added effect.

"Yeah," I said, nodding as if I understood. "My maternal grandmother has the flu as well."

Remus rolled his eyes. "She said something about there being vomit everywhere."

She nodded her head fervently, her dark skin a strange green colour. "_Sim! É nojento sangrenta..._"

"Bloody disgusting, I think she said," explained Remus.

She left quickly, still looking ill at the thought of someone puking, and I turned to Sirius. "She's really sick..."

He looked confused. "Rayen? She'll get over it."

"No – Lily!"

"What about her?" asked Pete, and I forget that he didn't know anything.

"Lily Evans is really ill, I'm telling you!"

In front of me, three sets of eyes widened at the sight of something over my shoulder.

"Potter, I suggest you keep your stupidly swollen face out of other people's business."

Gulping in undiluted terror, I turned to face a storming, sickly, but still amazingly beautiful Lily Evans.

"Evans!" I said jovially, betraying my fear.

"I mean it, Potter," she said in the Dangerous Tone, her emerald eyes flashing in what could best be described as pure fury. Her tone is the same one – albeit a tad harsher – that constantly tells me, "No, this day isn't different from any other – I will not date you, you arrogant prat".

"Stay out of things that don't concern you."

"Er, sure."

The knee-quivering glare she was shooting me was weakened by the fact that she looked pale and haggard. Her jaw-droppingly bright green eyes were dark with exhaustion and her hair was pulled back tightly, exposing shallow cheeks and heavily chewed on lips.

She looked terrible.

I was more positive than ever that something was seriously wrong.

I just didn't know what.

**AN: Alright. So a new story, folks. About one of the damned CUTEST couples out there - James and Lily. Seriously, they're freakin adorable. And just a warning - if sensitive topics such as cancer (*hint*) bother or upset you, please don't read. I'd hate to make people sadder than strictly/sadistically necessary :(**

**Please review! I'll be posting some character images and such on my profile (which is now full of links btw) very soon!**

**Much love and huggles to you all,**

**Kai xx**


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